


Language of the Flowers

by Lifelong_Depression



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Elemental Magic, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Good Narcissa Black Malfoy, M/M, Minor Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Pining Draco Malfoy, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-04-11 22:21:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19118860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lifelong_Depression/pseuds/Lifelong_Depression
Summary: Flowers represent a lot in the world. Friendship, Love, Hate, Despair, ect. After years of abuse with the only light of his day being gardening Harry grows a soft spot for these expressive plants. In his fourth year when his emotions are at their highest and most confusing he turns back to them for some help.





	Language of the Flowers

Chapter 1: Anemone 

 

Harry was faintly aware of the buzzing that filled the hall as student after student turned to look at him, some of them even clambering out of their seats. He felt like despite everything wrong with his life that he was pretty good at hiding his emotions, it was times like these that proved him wrong.

The times where he could feel his face flush and his breathing quicken, where it felt like he could _feel_ everyone staring. Where he could feel all their _judgement_ and whispers digging into his skin almost like a physical ailment.

Harry ducked his chin down into his chest as Dumbledore called once more, almost mercilessly “Harry Potter! Up here, if you please!” Harry looked up at the professor, feeling more anxious at the sight of his stern face, then to his friends. Hermione just gave him a light push “Go on then.”

Harry opened his mouth to explain himself but just closed it with a soft click before stumbling out of his seat, ears turning red at the giggling and more whispers. The teen dared one more look around the hall, almost as if he was looking for someone to save him.

Across the hall his eyes locked with a pair of silver ones, the same ones that made him angry and brought around a sense of dread. Instead of the usual mocking or condescending looks though he was getting an almost, if he dared to think, concerned one from Draco Malfoy.

When Malfoy realized he'd caught his eye the taller male simply nodded to the front.

Harry, feeling almost as if he was being sent down death row, decided to just get this over with. He didn't have time to worry about what Draco may or may not be up to. The dark haired male tried to hide his growing dread and anxiety as he walked up to the front.

Feeling the full disappointed weight of the teachers’ stares.

He nodded numbly when Dumbledore waved him through the door, unable to answer when the other three champions asked what he was doing there. Cedric Diggory moved forward with a worried look and placed a hand on his shoulder “Harry? What's wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost- er… You know what I mean.”

Cedric ended lamely though it was obvious to Harry that he was trying to lighten his mood. Still he gave the teen a small, strained smile for his efforts before anything could be said however Ludo Bagman barged into the room.

The man wrapped his arm around Harry's shoulders excitedly, either missing or ignoring the uncomfortable look on the teen's face. “Extraordinary! Absolutely brilliant! Gentlemen and lady let me introduce the _fourth_ triwizard champion.” Viktor eyebrows rose before scrunching together scowlishly, Fleur laughed politely as if she was expecting this to be a joke.

Oh, how Harry wished that this was some twisted joke.

Cedric however asked nonplussed “You can't be serious. He's too young.” Bagman gave him a bewildered look “Of course I am! As incredible as it might seem, Harry here's name came out of the goblet. There is ducking out at this point I'm afraid.” He said in a way too cheerful manner to actually be sorry for Harry's predicament.

The door opened again and a large group of adults hurried in: all three headmasters, McGonagall, Mr.Crouch, and Snape.

Harry couldn't hear anything that was being said as a numb feeling filled his head; just underneath the surface of it was panic, hopelessness, anxiety, depression and anger. All of it filling his head like a hive of angry wasps all attacking his mind and body at once.

“Harry!” A loud voice said as a hand landed on his shoulder, it was Dumbledore. He looked around, it seemed as if they'd been trying to get his attention for a while.

Snape looked unimpressed.

“Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire?” The elder asked while staring into his eyes once he had gotten his attention again. The teen shook his head silently, shrinking in on himself slightly at the impatient noises of disbelief around him. Albus ignored them though “Did you ask someone else to do this for you?” Harry shook his head again and said for emphasis “No, sir.”

“Of course 'e is lying! 'Ow can you expect us to jus’ believe 'im!” Karkaroff was quick to agree with Madame Maxime. Harry turned to look at the other champions but had to quickly look away as they too looked angry.

Why did this _always_ have to happen to him? He just wanted one nice school year for a change… Life was hell enough during the summer without all of Hogwarts’ little death missions.

He didn't speak up again that night, not even when Mr.Crouch crushed his last hope of being too young to compete. Saying that he was magically bound to compete since his name came from the Goblet.

Harry felt an profound amount of hopelessness hit him like a bus and instead of going up to the dorms he escaped to his little hideaway for some privacy. He didn't want to bother his friends with his ever growing depression and anxiety so when moments like this hit him he usually fled to his spot.

It was a small clearing in the forbidden forest, usually he'd try to avoid the forest by all means at night but there was a strange peacefulness around this spot. Like the forest itself was telling him that he'd be okay.

He'd even started his own little garden here, nothing magical just a few of his favourite flowers from the muggle world. Since gardening was the only good thing about the Dursleys he'd grown a soft spot for nature over his childhood.

It was calming and an escape route for him, to just focus solely on the task and relax around the foliage.

Harry curled up and hugged his knees, feeling irritated because he could already feel the familiar sensation of tears welling up. He lightly ran a finger over the pale petals of one of his favourite flowers, a gardenia. He bit his lip and turned his eyes away from it, finding that he couldn't look at it right now.

He tried to vent his frustrations out in his mind but that only served to make him cry more, so irritated and upset with his lack of control. The teen soon ended up falling to sleep in the clearing, leaning against a tree trunk with tear tracks going down his face in thin glistening trails.

* * *

 

Harry snuck up to the Gryffindor Tower early in the morning, praying to get there soon enough to at the very least get in a shower or a change of robes. When he got there the early birds were just beginning to leave their rooms, a few of them attempted to congratulate or talk to Harry but he just ducked his head down and rushed past them. Still not fully prepared to face what had happened last night.

Harry paused to take a calming breath when he made it to his rooms, missing completely that Ron seemed to be awake and waiting for him. Though when he did notice he gave a relieved sigh, trusting that his best friends would be the ones to believe him.

Harry walked forward and collapsed onto his bed “Good morning Ron..” He said tiredly, aware that he probably looked terrible from crying all night. Ron gave him a strained smile “Morning Harry, up late celebrating were you?” Harry’s head shot up quickly. Celebrating? Celebrating   _what?_ His doom? “I wasn’t even here last night Ron.” The redhead didn’t answer for a moment before asking, completely dismissing what was said “How did you get past the line anyways? The cloak?” Harry frowned and propped himself up on his elbows “I didn’t.”

Ron scoffed “You could at least tell me the truth.” Harry saw more than felt himself snap, like he was an outsider in this conversation. He couldn’t help it, it was just a sudden surge of anger that he couldn’t stop.

“I did _not_ put my name in that bloody goblet Ronald!” Ron’s smile faded quickly as he snapped back angrily “Whatever! If you don’t to tell me than that’s fine but don’t talk to me like I’m stupid.” Harry ground his teeth together but the comment still escaped him angrily “Could’ve fooled me.” Ron paused for a second before turning pink and snatching up his school “Best get ready. I expect they’ll have paparazzi filing down the hall for a chance to interview the _Golden Boy._ ” He spat out the ridiculous nickname like Harry was something particularly foul as he stormed out the door.

Harry felt like he shattered slightly the moment the door banged closed like a gunshot, Neville stepped out of the bathroom with a worried look “Harry is everything okay?” The teen took a couple of calming breaths but couldn’t seem actually catch his breath. Harry fell back again and buried his face into his hands as he tried to just _breathe._

Neville blundered around for a moment trying to figure out what happened before rushing forward “Harry! Are you okay?”

Harry felt tears fall down his face again and curled up on his side instead of answering, just wanting to catch a break. Things always seemed to go wrong around him. He couldn’t even manage the relationships around him.

Neville suddenly rushed out of the room and Harry just laid there numbly, crying and panting all at once. He was starting to feel lightheaded and sick from all of it.

Of course Ron didn’t believe him, Hermione probably won’t either. He was no one. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were correct, he was nothing but a worthless freak. Harry couldn’t do anything right, he never did anything good enough and he was toxic. He was toxic to his friends, he was toxic to his family. It had to be him, could he really be so terrible that life was punishing him so?

Harry was so wrapped up in his swirl of panic that he didn’t hear the door reopen and two pairs of feet hurry in.

“I-I don’t know what happened. I heard him and Ron having a row and when I came out he was like this.” Madame Pomfrey didn’t answer, instead rushing forward to help Harry sit up and face her. The teen was shaking, pale and still crying.

Pomfrey waved her wand over him and said gently “Stupify.” Letting the teen fall back onto the bed asleep before levitating him up and out of the room behind her. Neville hesitated for a second before following her out “Is he going to be okay?” Poppy nodded “Yes, he's only had a panic attack. Go on to class while I have him rest up in the hospital wing.”

Neville glanced at Harry worriedly one last time before hurrying off so he wouldn't be tardy.

* * *

 

Draco made his way to the hospital wing, delivering some potions to the mediwitch for his Godfather. Once inside though his eyes caught the sight of a familiar head of messy raven hair. He paused briefly before confidently walking up to the teen, he looked sick and Draco felt a bit of worry rise up in him.

The teen quickly dismissed the feeling though as he spoke up “Potter, what are you doing here?” He said with more kindness than he'd ever used for a Gryffindor- which wasn't saying much. He reminded himself that he didn't need to act like this anymore, he was done and if he ever wanted out then he needed Harry's help.

Harry looked up at him in surprise before answering cautiously “What does it look like I'm doing?”

Draco mentally slapped his forehead before sitting down confidently, like he had a right to be there. “It looks like you've gone and injured yourself _again_. What happened?” Harry just stared at him for a moment before answering “I… Had a panic attack.” He saw the immediate regret and fear on the raven haired boy's face when he'd told the truth. Draco dropped his mask a bit and let a bit of worry show to ease him, it was hard to do with having to wear it for nearly 14 years. “Over the tournament..?”

Harry untensed just a bit and nodded, a bit more confusion and curiosity in his eyes then straight out distrust.

Draco bit back a chuckle, the young man reminding him of a curious puppy at the moment. “Well… I'm glad I ran into you. I wanted to offer a truce of sorts. I don't expect us to become some sort of best friends but I am offering help for some help in return..” The teen tried not to fidget as the other boy stared at him intensely then for some reason he nodded “Okay. But I want to know what you need help with first.”

The pale teen inwardly sighed and steeled his nerves “...Okay.” He moved to lean closer to the other teen, raising an eyebrow when he turned red to the ear tips “I need held with The dar- No. V-....Voldemort.” He forced out, putting the other teen's weird behavior to the back of his mind.

Harry blinked in surprise before a sympathetic look crossed his face “You don't have to bribe me. I would help you if you honestly wanted to get out…” Draco smiled and shrugged “I felt like it was the only reason you'd let me help you too. Now deal?~” Harry chuckled softly and held out his hand for Draco to shake “Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> Anemone- Forsaken or forgotten love and affection. Anticipation and excitement for something in the future.


End file.
